PETER PAN SYNDROME

I am sure some of us remember the story of Peter Pan of Neverland who never ages and acts with carelessness and fearlessly cocky behavior. The character created by novelist and playwright J.M. Barrie that ruled our growing up years and was the source of several adaptation movies over the years.

Well, the Peter Pan Syndrome is a phenomenon akin to that of the story book character. It refers to today’s younger generation who show unwillingness to grow up and their corresponding immature nature is evident through their lack of development of a sense of responsibility. These are childish men and women who fail to assume adult – social, psychological, emotional and cultural responsibilities and roles. Those young adults who are still dragging around an invisible umbilical cord.

PETER PAN SYNDROME

I am sure some of us remember the story of Peter Pan of Neverland who never ages and acts with carelessness and fearlessly cocky behavior. The character created by novelist and playwright J.M. Barrie that ruled our growing up years and was the source of several adaptation movies over the years.

Well, the Peter Pan Syndrome is a phenomenon akin to that of the story book character. It refers to today’s younger generation who show unwillingness to grow up and their corresponding immature nature is evident through their lack of development of a sense of responsibility. These are childish men and women who fail to assume adult – social, psychological, emotional and cultural responsibilities and roles. Those young adults who are still dragging around an invisible umbilical cord.

There are several possible factors that have contributed to this plague. Yes, I call it so, because it isn’t normal grownup behavior for an adult to refuse taking up responsibilities that come with adulthood.

First reason might include over-protectiveness of today’s modern parents: That many modern parents grew up poor and impoverished and have managed to claw their way out of poverty is no excuse to over cuddle your child. It is true that the world is a hard place and you want to protect your beloved offspring, but that is no excuse for you not letting them face their own battles. Like a 30 year old son who barely graduates from university and has never held a job, being given a house and car by mommy dearest without working for it. The car is maintained, fueled and cared for all by the deep (and sometimes could be shallow) pockets of Mommy. As such, he has no inclination to ever hold a decent job through which he could personally earn his wages.

Or like a young man I met sometime back, who stated rather arrogantly that all he needs is a pittance paying job (just something to say he is employed and has somewhere to go every morning) and then he will get married. After all, his father is rich; and will take care of all the ceremony/festivity costs for him. All he has to do is show his intention to a young woman and then take her home to show his father.
This brings to mind the story of a grown chap whose parents have always taken care of his family. They pay the school fees for their grandchildren and support with provisions and groceries for the house, while they also provide him with some pocket money. It is from the same pocket of his parents that he takes trips abroad and he has never earned a dime in his life. He doesn’t even work for his parents. To him they are just alive to serve as his human ATM Machine, thus making him totally inept at taking care of his responsibilities.
Or the overzealous father who wouldn’t let his educated daughters secure jobs for fear of them being stressed and harassed. And would rather have them sit at home every day while he pays them an allowance.

Second reason is the rising costs of living. It is true that we now live in a highly inflated society where 5 Naira can no longer buy you anything, so most parents are forced to step into the role of financial providers and care takers for their kids. This goes on even after these children are fully grown, probably bald and now have their own families. Therefore, instead of now being heads of their new family they are forced to still receive guidance and instruction from their parents.

Third reason is the increased difficulty in finding satisfactory partners. This spurs most parents into stepping in to help find a future partner for their children. Hence the arranged marriages we see where every problem a young couple faces they have to run to their parents for help and advice. Or of overindulged young men who are constantly looking to marry a woman who fits into the image they have of their mothers who will take care of them, and still be a wife.

Fourth, are adults who are too emotionally attached to their parents.
These are adults who as kids had constantly needed acknowledgement and approval from their parents hence even as grownups they still continually seek to please their parents. They never stand up for what they want, and only accept to do what their parents had planned for them even if it makes them unhappy.

I know a young woman who is almost 30years old and still refers to her mother as “mommy”. I do not mean what she calls her mom when they are together, because no matter how old you may be you will always be your parent’s baby, but I mean in discussions. For instance we may be talking about something as serious as putting together retirement accounts for our parents and she will chime in, “uhh, my Mommy doesn’t really care about that, my mommy has told me not to let that bother me for now” and my mouth will always hang agape.
So, would she also need her mother’s approval before she buys things no matter how mundane, not realizing that she is now a full grown adult who should have a grown mind to make decisions on her own. I believe the way a person relates and responds to their parents says a lot about whether or not you are mature.

Fifth reason is the African culture which does not provide an enabling society for female children to truly grow.
In most African societies, a lady is meant to be seen and not heard, and so the true essence of aspirations for her is to find a man to attach her tentacles to. This is may be a reason why many young girls can’t be bothered with growing up. They are taught to see themselves as the responsibilities of a man. First, of their fathers and then upon marriage, the responsibilities of their husbands.Despite the known fact that some women have been saddled with the responsibility of taking care of their families for decades if not century. Especially when the men shirk from their responsibilities, or aren’t financially capable to do so, or when they are not alive. Yet, some bigots in the society will still frown on young women who dare to aspire, to grow up, to pick up responsibilities.

A central thing many who suffer from this phenomenon share is that they probably stopped growing past one stage in their lives. Most of them never grew past secondary school where everything they wanted was provided for whether or not their parents could afford it. This therefore elongates the normal period for which they are to be reliant on their parents and now expect that it is their right to request for things from their parents and in like manner, the parent’s responsibility to make it readily available to them.
Little wonder we now have many privileged kids who are a thorn in their parent’s side. Beside the ones attempting to blow up planes, there are the ones threatening to kill their parents when they refuse to grant them a request. Or of one privileged University drop out i know very well, who was over pampered as a child and now steals the parent’s money and jewelry to sell, whenever they cannot afford to oblige his requests.
If you suffer from this phenomenon, I ask that you grow up please! One day your parents will be gone and I fear for your sake that you don’t go through a bender when you realize that the apron strings to which you were attached to your parents have been severed. You should set goals for yourselves in life and work towards attaining it.

And dear over attached mommies and daddies, who are seeking a way to live your life through your kids, quit it! Instead, guide them towards their target & encourage them. Please do not guard your children too tightly that you hinder them from growing. Give them room to socialize and learn so they can be productive! Give them a push so they will take up their own responsibilities.

Jemimah Jatau, Abuja, Nigeria.
[email protected]

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The Peter Pan Syndrome by Jemimah Jatau